Writers are eccentric, to say the least. We spend hours pouring our creativity onto the page and then months worrying if anyone is going to like it. Everyone who has ever shared so much as a poem knows that feeling of utter vulnerability. The effects of such openness can be devastating. Literary history is riddled with writers who had drug or alcohol addictions, suffered from some social phobia, and far too many talented writers have died tragic deaths, often at their own hand. I never understood why this was until recently.
As you know, I’ve been on blog tours since the day The Secret of the Keepers went live. I’ve enjoyed the book giveaways, and the new bloggers I’ve met are fantastic. Between the tour and improving the website, developing three blogs, stepping up marketing, and the already crazy two jobs, I had to take a break from writing. And so when it was time to crack open a fresh flash drive and start that first draft, I found myself staring at a blank screen.
I felt like Sysyphus after the boulder careened downhill. I’ve been out of my writing cave far too long.
Writing is like breathing. I have to do it on a regular basis or I start to panic. Insecurity runs amok. What am I doing? Who do I think I am? The Heart of the Ancients, Kailmeyra’s Redemption the final book in the series, has a killer storyline. What if I can’t find the words to do it justice? And worse yet, what if I think it’s great but it really sucks?
To add insult to injury, insecurity smothers creativity. It’s that small voice that keeps you quiet during a brain storming session. Or that incessant need to go to the bathroom when it’s your turn to draw in pictionary. It’s what keeps you quiet during karaoke, what hinders your mad dance moves, what kills a genuine moment of comedic genius, when you choose to keep the pun to yourself. Basically, insecurity is what tethers us to a mediocre life.
I’m no stranger to the destructive affects of doubt. I had to battle it in the practice room, the performance hall, and the stage. Even though the effects of insecurity are stronger with writing, I take solace in the fact that I conquered it before. I have to have faith that I can do it again.